Restaurant wine service - What’s your position?
Whether in restaurants with wine lists or in the countless BYO restaurants here in NJ (and those of you who live in states/counties/countries that allow patrons to bring his own bottle know just what a BLESSING this actually is!), I cleave to the “less is more” school of wine service. The sommelier or the waiter or waitress should present the wine list (if there is one), answer any questions (if asked) HONESTLY and from a place of real knowledge. If the would be wine server cannot give an informed answer he or she should attempt to get the answer to that question in a timely manner, or simply admit that he/she does not know. Bullshitting, at least for me, is a very frequent and unfortunate mistake made by wine servers in restaurants. I’d rather be angry with myself for taking a chance and losing on a bottle about which I know nothing than have a supposedly knowledgable server give me patently wrong information. Here’s a little illustration of this…On a trip to Spain last summer, my wife and I had just seated ourselves down to what we were expecting to be a great meal at a well-regarded, “gold standard” restaurant in San Sebastian. I am VERY sensitive to the notable presence of oak in the wines that I drink, and for those who drink lots of Rioja, they know that oak is a major component in the traditional examples of these wines. I knew all of this, and of course, 80-90% of the list was some kind of Rioja. So as you might be able to guess, I explained to the server (there was no “sommelier” clearly present in the dining room) what I was trying to avoid, and she pointed out a bottle or two that she thought might appeal to me. So being anything but an expert in Spanish wines, I took her advice. The bottle arrived at the table, and the moment the cork popped from the neck, I could smell oak. I knew that this wine was already doomed to be returned, but I politely choked down the approval sip, and reiterated my dislike of overtly oaky wines. She apologized, and suggested another bottle. She returned with the replacement bottle, pulled the cork, and this one was just as bad if not worse than the first, the reek of new American oak permeating the whole table setting…She was terribly embarassed and I was half embarassed and half pissed-off. As a result of this second gaffe, she brought a third bottle that she assured me would be to my liking, and to make a short story a little longer, while this third bottle was better than the first two, it was still not my cup of tea, but now clearly noting my wife’s near mortification at this entire exchange, I forced a smile and kept the bottle, but needless to say this minor fiasco RUINED what was a good (but not great) meal.
Now with my clear dislike for the oak programs applied to most Rioja wines, the whole selection process was a very difficult if not doomed one from the beginning, but clearly the best case scenario regarding this tense exchange is that the server was so used to HEAVILY oaked Riojas, and was indeed suggesting what were indeed the less oaky selections from the list, i.e. doing her best, but to someone with more of an Italian/French palate like me, her best would never be good enough. The first and largest problem in taking these assumptions as true is the poor range of choices present on the list in the first place - she was negotiating a minefield from the get go, but clearly her broader knowlegde of wine styles was also limited, so much so that to her what was a moderately oaked wine was for me still undrinkable. The other possibility is, and it’s not as far-fetched as it might seem at first, that she literally knew NOTHING AT ALL and was just picking out the most popular bottles on the list and keeping her fingers crossed…which bring us back to my first prescription: if you think you understand and can handle the question, be honest in your answer. If you don’t and can’t, get someone who does and can, or just apologize and say that you just don’t know.
Another big pet peeve I have regarding wine service is the refilling of glasses. On the initial cork-pulling go around, I have no problem with the sommelier/server pouring out a half a glass or so for everyone who wants a glass, but for me, pouring any more wine into any glass after this initial round is obtrusive and presumtuous. Another little example…Those who only want to have, or are only allowed to have one glass of wine per meal, are often forced to tell the server/sommelier “no” during this “refill round”, or if they’re not paying attention, or are a bit meek, are then forced to find a way to fob off this unwanted glass of wine onto someone else at the table, or just leave it to be drunk by the kitchen sink. Refilling can also reward the “guzzler(s)” (often that is me!) at the table. These folks drink wine at speeds many times that of other drinkers, and are often found toying with an empty glass, so when the server/somm. comes around, this glugger gets a full second glass before most have even put a dent in their first. This clearly puts the slower drinkers in an awkward position - either keep up, or miss out on the fair share of the bottle that he or she is helping to pay for…In addition, the refilling of glasses is clearly done to deplete the current bottle as fast as possible to encourage the sale of another bottle or two from the list. In full wine service restaurants, this is good for business and quite understandable, but still can put the host or “wine guy” at the table in a funny spot, especially if the check is set to be split - does everyone REALLY want more wine, or are they just saying that they do so that they don’t look cheap…you can see the social snags…
The last MAJOR turn-off for me in wine service is the very prententious “magician” service technique in which every wine-service accoutrement, needed or not, is brought out to the table. The sommelier, often assisted by several acolytes and minions of varying size and stripe juggle stemware, decanters, corkscrews, tastevins, and tea towels as they set about cutting foils, setting up ice buckets, presenting corks (why?) and priming glasses (”washing” all glasses concerned with a small amont of the wine ordered). These little bits of wine service theater might make some feel important, but for those who are regular wine drinkers, the whole thing is just a bit silly and embarassing - like having to dance with the belly dancer at the otherwise very enjoyable Greek restaurant you frequent…
For me, wine service is one of the best times to employ the old prescriptive acronym K.I.S.S. (Keep it simple stupid, by the way, NOT Kids in Service of Satan) - As the server do what you MUST: present the list, answer questions, present the bottle and open it discreetly, pour the wine for those who want some, AND THEN GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY UNTIL YOU’RE ADDRESSED WITH ANOTHER QUESTION, ASKED FOR A FURTHER BIT OF ADVICE, OR ASKED TO DO SOMETHING ELSE! - wine already has enough pretentions and inconspicuous conventions…
I’ve found that wine service preferences are highly personal ones - What makes wine service a dream or a nightmare for you?
TOM CIOCCO
Don’t hate me just because I’m white
Do you only drink red wine? WHY!? Listen, if you’ve really drunk your way through a fair number of the wines from various new world AND old world white appellations - all the varieties, styles, etc., and still don’t care for white wines, fine - very few folks like EVERYTHING, but it seems to me some people still seem to think that white wine is somehow a lesser thing, a wine for beginners or enological lightweights. I’m not sure even what gave rise to this somewhat confounding stance, but I’ve come across it more times than you might imagine.
Let me ask you this…what would you drink with a meal comprised of an appetizer of cauliflower and Asiago fritters, a Fettuccine Alfredo first course, and a baked, herb-stuffed John Dory as a main? I’d choose a richer styled (but unoaked) Verdicchio Castelli di Jesi or a more restrained Carneros or Russian River Chardonnay but I would find the choice of a Cali Mertage or a Ribera del Duero or even a Pinot Noir with such a board pretty hard to swallow. Sure, “drink what you like” always rules the day, but just because you like X with Y, doesn’t mean that you couldn’t like Z with Y a whole lot better.
Many of the white wine bashers I know are perhaps not surprisingly, men. Somehow, for some reason, within the testosterone besotted set, white wine is viewed as a drink for women and sissies. Poached chicken breasts with a lemon cream sauce? RED WINE! Chicken noodle soup? RED WINE! Watching the game? RED WINE! Patio roosting in July? RED WINE! Come on folks, get over it. There’s more to life than tooth-staining Cabernet.
But all snide lampooning aside, there are indeed a few too many thin, vinegary, and ultimately flavorless pale nasties floating around, as well as an incontrovertible GLUT of sweetish, flabby, and ultimately insipid whites flying at us from TV screens, billboards, and glossy magazine ads all day long. All things being equal, white wines are cheaper to produce, so to those more concerned with building their personal wealth than a quality winery, white wine production surely provides the best return on their investments, but with just a little effort I’m SURE that even the most dyed-in-the-wool ink-drinker can find a white wine to suit his (or her) palate. When you get down to it, there are just too many cool wines out there to cut your choices by a factor of one half right out of the gate. If you don’t know where to start, pay us (or your local wine shop a visit, describe your malady to a wine consultant, and get in the white wine game. Hey, it could be worse - some day you might actually be forced to ask for directions - WITH your wife in the car.
TOM CIOCCO
Don’t “collect” wines, store them, and DRINK them
A few years back, I had a conversation with a customer regarding his cellar. He was recounting to me in great detail all of the rare and valuable bottles that graced his cellar. As the conversation twisted and turned, I asked him what the next “world class” bottle he was eyeing for his next big dinner or special occasion. He replied “Oh, I don’t drink wine.” I must have visibly recoiled slightly, but to be fair, this sort response is hardly a rarity…So, foolishly assuming I was in the presence of an “investment collector”, I replied: “So I guess that the kids’ college funds are all ‘liquid assets’” , or some other such cute remark. But his reply was among the most chilling a wine DRINKER can hear. “No, I don’t collect for financial return either - it’s all about bragging rights” he said with a certain self-satisfied smile. Essentially, this man HOARDED and IMPRISONED great and historical bottles so other could not have them, and further so he could taunt those that did want to consume enjoy and discuss them. For me this is nothing short of oenological sadism - like non musicians who buy rare and vintage guitars so that they can bolt them to their walls and fantasize about being rock stars, or people that buy thoroughbred race horses and never ride or race the animals treating them like 1500 lb. lap animals.
Here are my criteria for EVERY bottle in my own cellar:
If the wine is ready to drink (mature), and the right food will be served (a menu suitably matched to the wine), and the right people (great friends, family, and especially other wine lovers) will be present to help you eat and drink your offerings, OPEN THE DAMNED BOTTLE! Think about it - if all three of these conditions are met, and you’re still not opening that special bottle, why do you even have it? Sell it and buy the latest home video game with the proceeds, or give it to someone who can appreciate it. Too many people miss too many opportunities to drink special wines while holding out for that singular, magical moment for which this or that bottle was born to glorify…Savor and discuss great wines. It is their purpose.
TOM CIOCCO
Grappa, A.K.A. Italian Moonshine
A funny thing happened on the way across the manure-strewn barnyard - grappa became fashionable, and EXPENSIVE. But before we look at this phenomenon, let’s take a quick look at exactly what grappa is, and how it is made.
Grappa is what is also sometimes called “immature brandy”. Now this doesn’t mean that it’s a drink that sticks out its tongue at you (though after drinking some, you might stick YOUR tongue out at IT!), but rather a distillate made from grapes that has not been aged in oak barrels - this is why grappa is “water white” and Cognac, for example, is brown. The other major difference between grappa and other grape distillates like Cognac, Spanish brandy, Alsatian eauxs de vie, etc. is that these latter examples are made from WHOLE grapes. A wine is made from the grapes that are associated with these liquors, and then this wine is in turn distilled, and then often aged in oak barrels. Grappa is made from what in Italian is called “vinacce” (vi-NAH-che) which are the seeds, stems, and skins that remain after the juice has been pressed away for winemaking. These “vinacce” are then heavily pressed for a second time. From this point the process is the same for the production of any other distillate, exept for the aging part, at least traditionally - some contemporary grappas are aged for a time in barrel to smooth them out, but this is undoubtedly revisionist.
So, because traditional, un-aged grappa is made from the vinacce, where there are extremely high levels of not only tannins, but after fermention, some small quantities of wood alcohol (derived from the woody stems), grappa kicks like Dominic the Italian Christmas Donkey
So back to the manure-strewn barnyard…Let’s face it, the very IDEA of making something like grappa is born out of one simple exigency: POVERTY. Grappa was fundamentally made by poor farmers who could not afford to waste ANYTHING, even the vinacce. The very idea of making grappa commercially and putting a $50 price tag on it is STILL laughable to many northern Italian countryfolk. Grappa as a drink was limited to 1 small glass as a digestivo after a huge winter meal. But what’s even funnier about $50 bottles of grappa is that it was just as often used by rural people as a medicine: to sterilize wounds, to put on a rag to be applied to the forehead to reduce fever, etc. just like we use 70% isopropyl rubbing alcohol today. A bottle of rubbing alcohol costs about $1.49, and some might say that it’s just about as palatable as grappa…
Don’t take me wrong here, I’m not dissing grappa, just giving the drinker a big caveat emptor regarding price. Many ultra-premium Italian wineries produce grappas and slap exorbitant prices on them, trying to capitalize on the luxury brand image that they’ve cultivated to sell something that is a product of what most others sell off as fertilzer for dollars a ton. You don’t necessarily “get what you pay for” with grappa, though at the same time, go “downmarket” at your own risk.
One last word. There are some very famous “grappa” producers (like Nonino) that by strict definition, do not make grappas, but rather true “immature brandies” from very high quality WHOLE GRAPES. Some of these products are indeed worth the extra green, but some others are priced beyond the reach of anyone but the Johnny Walker Blue Label crowd. These products are indeed EXCELLENT, but are clearly not the last word in value. So my final prescription is by all means drink grappa, but like a ‘68 Chevelle with a 396 or a militarily-trained Doberman Pinscher, treat it with repect.
TOM CIOCCO
What New World winemakers SHOULD be doing
I’m pretty clearly an “Old World” wine lover. There are lots of reasons why I favor Old World over New World wines, but that’s mostly another post entirely. The one factor here that DOES play into the idea at hand is the concept of “originality”. The ancient historical trail of viticulture and wine production in the Old World has afforded farmers and winemakers the opportunity to FULLY understand their respective terroirs, as well as the ability to take advantage of thousands of varietal crossings and mutations that have given the world the wealth of grape varieties that populate Old World vineyards. Every country (and region and sub-region in many cases) has at very least a “signature” grape variety that may be cultivated elsewhere, and often features a variety or multiple varieties that grow nowhere else in the world…
On this front the New World can NEVER compete, so why try? Why play someone else’s game when you can invent your own? This essentially leaves the New World winemaker with a fantastic opportunity - a viticultural “tabula rasa” on which he or she can limn his or her own wine with the grape varieties that he or she likes and/or the ones that work best for his or her terroir, right?
So why do so few New World winemakers do it? In most cases, I think it’s simply fear of economic failure. I think we’re all aware of the tremendous fiscal pressures placed on winemakers, especially in the New World where so many winemakers are in hock (pardon the pun) up their eyes with loans, mortgages, etc. In the Old World so many of the estates are so old that they have long ago been paid for, so the debt load is much less steep…
So it’s understandable why a START-UP winery might want to make Bordeaux blends to assure some interest in their work through familiarity, but far too many old, established New World wineries are still imitating someone else’s wine…it’s like being the world’s best cover band - you can make a good or even GREAT living with it, but you’ll NEVER be included in the same SENTENCE as The Beatles, or Big Star, or The Dead Kennedys, or Tortoise…
So here’s the simple RX: MAKE YOUR OWN GODDAMNED WINE! If you follow the herd, you’ve got some cover just until the fashions change, at which point changing directions mid-stream becomes very painful - just ask anyone who was making a living making Merlot-based wines pre-Sideways!
In a nutshell, learn your terroir, and plant a range of grapes from the world palette of varieties that well complement each other. Once you’ve established “your” blend, no one can take it from you…Pine Ridge’s white Chenin Blanc/Viognier blend or Bonny Doone’s “Big House Red” are two perfect examples of this approach…To me, this suggested tack is just a clear case of how NOT having a tradition to follow allows a far greater degree of personal expression through the types of wine that you choose to make…jeez, isn’t this why most people came to the New World in the first place?!
Tom Ciocco
