Restaurant wine service - What’s your position?
Whether in restaurants with wine lists or in the countless BYO restaurants here in NJ (and those of you who live in states/counties/countries that allow patrons to bring his own bottle know just what a BLESSING this actually is!), I cleave to the “less is more” school of wine service. The sommelier or the waiter or waitress should present the wine list (if there is one), answer any questions (if asked) HONESTLY and from a place of real knowledge. If the would be wine server cannot give an informed answer he or she should attempt to get the answer to that question in a timely manner, or simply admit that he/she does not know. Bullshitting, at least for me, is a very frequent and unfortunate mistake made by wine servers in restaurants. I’d rather be angry with myself for taking a chance and losing on a bottle about which I know nothing than have a supposedly knowledgable server give me patently wrong information. Here’s a little illustration of this…On a trip to Spain last summer, my wife and I had just seated ourselves down to what we were expecting to be a great meal at a well-regarded, “gold standard” restaurant in San Sebastian. I am VERY sensitive to the notable presence of oak in the wines that I drink, and for those who drink lots of Rioja, they know that oak is a major component in the traditional examples of these wines. I knew all of this, and of course, 80-90% of the list was some kind of Rioja. So as you might be able to guess, I explained to the server (there was no “sommelier” clearly present in the dining room) what I was trying to avoid, and she pointed out a bottle or two that she thought might appeal to me. So being anything but an expert in Spanish wines, I took her advice. The bottle arrived at the table, and the moment the cork popped from the neck, I could smell oak. I knew that this wine was already doomed to be returned, but I politely choked down the approval sip, and reiterated my dislike of overtly oaky wines. She apologized, and suggested another bottle. She returned with the replacement bottle, pulled the cork, and this one was just as bad if not worse than the first, the reek of new American oak permeating the whole table setting…She was terribly embarassed and I was half embarassed and half pissed-off. As a result of this second gaffe, she brought a third bottle that she assured me would be to my liking, and to make a short story a little longer, while this third bottle was better than the first two, it was still not my cup of tea, but now clearly noting my wife’s near mortification at this entire exchange, I forced a smile and kept the bottle, but needless to say this minor fiasco RUINED what was a good (but not great) meal.
Now with my clear dislike for the oak programs applied to most Rioja wines, the whole selection process was a very difficult if not doomed one from the beginning, but clearly the best case scenario regarding this tense exchange is that the server was so used to HEAVILY oaked Riojas, and was indeed suggesting what were indeed the less oaky selections from the list, i.e. doing her best, but to someone with more of an Italian/French palate like me, her best would never be good enough. The first and largest problem in taking these assumptions as true is the poor range of choices present on the list in the first place - she was negotiating a minefield from the get go, but clearly her broader knowlegde of wine styles was also limited, so much so that to her what was a moderately oaked wine was for me still undrinkable. The other possibility is, and it’s not as far-fetched as it might seem at first, that she literally knew NOTHING AT ALL and was just picking out the most popular bottles on the list and keeping her fingers crossed…which bring us back to my first prescription: if you think you understand and can handle the question, be honest in your answer. If you don’t and can’t, get someone who does and can, or just apologize and say that you just don’t know.
Another big pet peeve I have regarding wine service is the refilling of glasses. On the initial cork-pulling go around, I have no problem with the sommelier/server pouring out a half a glass or so for everyone who wants a glass, but for me, pouring any more wine into any glass after this initial round is obtrusive and presumtuous. Another little example…Those who only want to have, or are only allowed to have one glass of wine per meal, are often forced to tell the server/sommelier “no” during this “refill round”, or if they’re not paying attention, or are a bit meek, are then forced to find a way to fob off this unwanted glass of wine onto someone else at the table, or just leave it to be drunk by the kitchen sink. Refilling can also reward the “guzzler(s)” (often that is me!) at the table. These folks drink wine at speeds many times that of other drinkers, and are often found toying with an empty glass, so when the server/somm. comes around, this glugger gets a full second glass before most have even put a dent in their first. This clearly puts the slower drinkers in an awkward position - either keep up, or miss out on the fair share of the bottle that he or she is helping to pay for…In addition, the refilling of glasses is clearly done to deplete the current bottle as fast as possible to encourage the sale of another bottle or two from the list. In full wine service restaurants, this is good for business and quite understandable, but still can put the host or “wine guy” at the table in a funny spot, especially if the check is set to be split - does everyone REALLY want more wine, or are they just saying that they do so that they don’t look cheap…you can see the social snags…
The last MAJOR turn-off for me in wine service is the very prententious “magician” service technique in which every wine-service accoutrement, needed or not, is brought out to the table. The sommelier, often assisted by several acolytes and minions of varying size and stripe juggle stemware, decanters, corkscrews, tastevins, and tea towels as they set about cutting foils, setting up ice buckets, presenting corks (why?) and priming glasses (”washing” all glasses concerned with a small amont of the wine ordered). These little bits of wine service theater might make some feel important, but for those who are regular wine drinkers, the whole thing is just a bit silly and embarassing - like having to dance with the belly dancer at the otherwise very enjoyable Greek restaurant you frequent…
For me, wine service is one of the best times to employ the old prescriptive acronym K.I.S.S. (Keep it simple stupid, by the way, NOT Kids in Service of Satan) - As the server do what you MUST: present the list, answer questions, present the bottle and open it discreetly, pour the wine for those who want some, AND THEN GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY UNTIL YOU’RE ADDRESSED WITH ANOTHER QUESTION, ASKED FOR A FURTHER BIT OF ADVICE, OR ASKED TO DO SOMETHING ELSE! - wine already has enough pretentions and inconspicuous conventions…
I’ve found that wine service preferences are highly personal ones - What makes wine service a dream or a nightmare for you?
TOM CIOCCO
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Very good points. I could not agree with you more.
I can’t tell you how many times I got frustrated in the restaurant because of the lousy wine service.
Comment by eugene — December 29, 2006 @ 12:59 pm
I think a lot of this is a result of an American demand for service people of all types to read our minds with 100% accuracy. I personally would have no problem with a sommelier or wine steward asking the table if they would like a simple or theatric opening of a bottle. Perhaps some people find an elaborate opening less like a belly dancer at a Greek resturant and more like lighting fire to the saganaki.
One thing a wine server should never do though: say a single word about wine/food pairing unless asked directly.
Comment by Taco John — December 29, 2006 @ 6:01 pm
Tom,
Not sure why it too so long for me to check out your blog! I really appreciated your comments… my husband is “the guzzler” and it drives me crazy! I take my time and he gets more of the bottle because they refill him faster! You’re not alone with your frustrations! I guess I need to learn how to drink my wine faster…
Comment by Sherri — December 29, 2006 @ 7:43 pm
I am the wine director of a large resort, and have developed programs and trained wine stewards in other high profile resorts. THE first thing I tell them is we are kind, humble servants. Guests do not come to visit us, they do not come to be belittled by a pompas ass. Sommeliers should be ’suportive artists’ in the theatre of fine dining…not THE artist. Too many new Wine Stewards think they have a certain gift that only they have acquired. Your comments are so on the money. Wine people out there: read this over and over, put it on your wall. Wine service is supposed to be a service provided by kind, humble, gentle, intelligent, learned and well read stewards.
Comment by charles — December 29, 2006 @ 8:55 pm
All good points and well stated. Enjoy this column.
Comment by elbowroom — December 30, 2006 @ 11:11 am
These gaffes seem (usually) to be well intentioned with the notable exception of the rush to kill the bottle. Just a little instruction from management would go such a long way in relieving this stuff.
Comment by Russ J — December 30, 2006 @ 10:29 pm
As long as they give me decent glass with a lip that’s not 1/4 inch thick for my overpriced wine I’m usually ok.
Comment by NapaSpa — December 31, 2006 @ 12:51 am
I agree with you about the refill. This bothers me a bit, too. I’d rather they just leave the bottle.
The Oak incident was not the server’s fault, as I think you acknowledge. Frankly, your taste was a bit unusual for those parts. I’ve been on the other side of that one, giving a prized bottle of Pinot Noir to a relative for a special occasion, only to hear that it was a bit oaky. It was one of the least oaked pinots in my cellar.
Comment by GeneV — December 31, 2006 @ 4:37 pm
To All-
It seems that(nearly)everyone has had the same difficulties, but for me, that just proves how pervasive this non-sense is…and I have to say that the biggest reason for this is US, the diners! Much to my wife’s great and recurring chagrin, I usually have a little talk with either the sommelier/server as the wine list arrives, and tell him or her what I expect, and what I don’t. While this might sound a little pushy or presumtuous, when all is said and done, these folks are there to make your experience at their restaurant the best it can be. ANYONE who gives you grief over ANYTHING that goes on at your table regarding wine service makes it clear that he or she is more concerned with what he/she wants to do, and the attention that he/she might get for the dog and pony show that he/she wants to perform at YOUR table. If you don’t like something, in a respectful and discreet way, tell the wine server to stop…In doing this, I’ve actually been told that I’d need to speak to the manager to bypass the wine dog and pony show - that if the servers were not seen making like Tom Cruise in “Cocktail” at the table, that they’d get chewed out!!! Why do restaurant owners/managers/sommeliers feel the need to do this and/or why do they think that this is what the customer wants?! I’ve never worked even one minute in a restaurant - any thoughts anyone?
TOM CIOCCO
Comment by Tom C — January 2, 2007 @ 11:31 am
Tom,
While I appreciate your unique passion and exuberance for dining and wine, I’ve been repeatedly exposed to the complete other side of the story. I’ve worked for years in the Manhattan fine dining industry, and you’re right to think that the diners perpetuate this type of service, as training and experience has only led me to believe that most diners (that I’ve come across) do not feel the same way as you. When guests sit down at my table, they expect to pay a lot, they expect not to be lied to, (a BIG no-no as you so eloquently point out), and expect to be taken care of. Generally, not always, this includes somewhat of a showy wine service, especially if they are spending a lot of money. Whether they have experience dining in 3 and 4 star restaurants and feel they know what to expect, (and are entitled to), or have little experience paying hundreds or even thousands of dollars (which SURELY must entitle them to extravagant service), most of my guests want to be stroked. And as the restaurant staff, whose livelihood is based squarely upon the instant gratification of our every guest, we are forced to obliged.
But it’s not a sob story I’m telling, as I enjoy the showy service when I dine out extravagantly. I recently ate at a prominent restaurant in New York called Del Posto with five of my friends, a few of which are also in the business. We had a multitude of courses and bottles of wine, and the service was masterful… a wonderfully choreographed performance that was attentive without being overbearing. Servers presented and decanted, tasted, primed and poured, and attended to our every hedonistic need. And we tipped accordingly, leaving everyone happy at the end of the meal.
However, Tom, there’s always a time and place. At a more casual BYO I frequent in Hoboken, I expect the servers to perform their basic duties and little else. I take the wine service into my own hands, and prefer it that way. I conduct my own wine dinners for myself and my friends, and expect the service not to interfere. They understand this without question.
Whether most of the people you know feel the same way as you or not, you can’t ALWAYS expect the service to read your mind. A polite aside at the beginning of the meal is all it takes to get what you want. And guess what, if it makes you happier and want to tip more if the servers have to do less, don’t you think they’d want to know that?
Comment by Eric — January 23, 2007 @ 3:15 pm
Eric-
Thanks for the comments. Sure, everyone is different and I can quite understand someone wanting a bit of “theater” with their wine service. For me (and I’m DEFINITELY not alone here)a waiter pouring me another glass of wine is tantamount to picking up my fork and trying to feed me another bite of mashed potatoes - I simply find it obtrusive…like the waiter introducing him or herself at the beginning of the service. I don’t say this with any sort of snobbery intended WHATSOEVER, but I honestly don’t really care what your name is - do you care what mine is? Why is it necessary for a waiter and a patron to be on a first name basis?
But I think you HIT IT PERFECTLY when you brought up that one word: TIPS! I think that to a large degree this is what is driving the trumpet fanfares and the unicycles circling the table phenomena - working for tips. I come more from the European approach to service. I think that restaurants should pay waiters living wages so that they don’t have to make like dancing bears around the table for a few extra bucks. Restauranteurs in the US, because of our tipping conventions, are permitted to foist off their payroll obligations onto the diners, and that’s just plain wrong.
In the end, for me, with restaurant service, less is more. The most important factor is ATTENTION or ATTENTIVENESS - stay away from the table, and WATCH the body language of the diners. Talk to the diners as little as you have to unless you are directly questioned. I know this all sounds a bit condescending, but for me, I’d rather have a waiter or waitress be a bit too inattentive than bit too pesty.
TOM CIOCCO
Comment by Tom C — January 23, 2007 @ 5:16 pm
Tom,
You’re the guest I love to have at my table. Cheers!
-Eric
Comment by Eric — January 24, 2007 @ 5:15 pm
I can understand your annoyance at wait staff, but I also hate to wait for someone to pour wine for me, particularly if I have food in my mouth with no wine to heighten the experience. I think service is important and a wait-person that notices glasses needing wine is alert and deserves a good tip. I suppose the fast drinkers could learn to slow down if they don’t want to be troubled by an astute server.The one glass drinker can discretely put their hand over the glass to signal the server that they want no wine on that pour. I eat out to be spoiled a little and to be served but not fawned over. Perhaps a conversation with the server to explain the desire not to have ‘full service’ could work.
Comment by gbickett — February 10, 2007 @ 6:38 pm
I find this advise interesting, but it is only helpful to an extent - to the extent that I am serving YOU wine. I am a server and it is impossible to be able to tell what people want. If I present the cork to you, you think “why?” The next patron, however, will demand the bottle for free. As for refilling the glasses, I was taught that you are to keep all patron’s glasses halfway full. I agree that this is a move by management to push more wine, but some people who want another glass might feel too reserved to pour one, especially if they are not the host. I find your advice to just leave the patrons alone after they’ve been served the most conflicting. Some customers have questions to ask, but they will not speak up until I come and ask them how everything is. Other customers wait until I’ve become busy with another table, and then they yell at me as a I walk by or signal me to come with their fingers. I am always on the look out for eye contact; you look me in they eyes, I am going to assume you need something. That is the only fine line I can find between ignoring the patron and hovering over them.
As for expecting the waiter or sommelier to have an extensive understanding of the wine list and beyond, has it every occurred to you that this individual cannot normally AFFORD to drink the wine you are drinking?
Comment by Britta Spencer — February 14, 2007 @ 11:37 am
Britta-
Thanks for the comments. I agree with most of your points - everyone is indeed different and enjoys different levels of table service…this is why COMMUNICATION is essential - and this must come from both sides with the diners expressing their needs, and the servers inquiring about the same…
I comepletely DISAGREE with your last paragraph, however. There is no excuse for the waitstaff not having solid knowlegde about every bottle on the list (unless there is a sommelier), but the onus is in NO WAY on the waitstaff to incur the expense of trying the wines. A good restauranteur either foots the bill to allow the staff to taste the wines, and further, educates them about each wine OR the restauranteur presses upon his suppliers to do the same. It is in EVERYBODY’S interest that servers know the wines that they sell - customers get a better experience, and restauranteurs sell more wine.
TOM CIOCCO
Comment by Tom C — February 15, 2007 @ 10:55 am
Great Points Tom!
Comment by Jasper — February 23, 2007 @ 11:41 am
I am a Restaurant Manager, for over 10 years now, and currently studing to be a Sommelier. I think all the pomp and circumstance around wine service is fantastic if the patron wants it, if not, like me, just let the patron enjoy the wine, food and life in general. As for servers I find no excuse for not being knowldgeable about what product they are hocking, sometimes there is a point were a server should excuse him/herself to find out the correct answer to a specific $300 wine that they have never tried in their life, and may not ever. I would hope the server would have some humility to find the answer instead of misleading the guest. I think the best advise to servers is to actually listen to your guest and if you don’t know the answer go find out, as for patrons don’t shy away from telling your server what you want or need, open communication is the only way.
Comment by Jasper — February 23, 2007 @ 11:58 am
Tom,
I am a server in a fine dining restaurant and I am taking the first level of the Master Sommelier test in September. I always enjoy reading about wine service in forums like this because its a chance to hear from guests outside of the confines of the restaurant. I agree with many of your points, especially about the knowledge of servers. They should know a great deal about their wine list and freely admit if they don’t know an answer to a question. They should also not be overbearing with this knowledge, giving suggestions only when the guest asks. I tend to disagree with you in the case of “The Guzzler”. Should the server leave his glass empty? It seems rude to me somehow. Especially since if he were drinking any other beverage, upon emptying the glass, he would be asked if he would like another. Should the guzzler be asked before each wine refill? Should the empty glass be ignored? As a server, my aim is to please people. How can it best be achieved in this situation? It seems like a gray area.
Comment by Jean — March 20, 2007 @ 11:21 am
Jean-
In MY opinion, a waiter should never touch a bottle of wine after opening it, but I realize that this is a somewhat “radical” viewpoint. My feeling is that this bottle “belongs” to the person who bought it/the table, and the server has no business trying to force-feed his or her patrons wine…to me, it would be like a customer noting that during your service shift you were working on a diet Coke as you worked, and then having a that person say to you “You look thirsty, go take a drink” three or four times during the course of his meal…I think the overly attentive waitstaff phenomenon harks directly back the notion that anyone with an “education” was above serving themselves anything - that this was the work of servants or even slaves. It is the last vestiges of a pre-20th century elitism.
TOM CIOCCO
Comment by Tom C — March 20, 2007 @ 12:20 pm
1. a server cannot read your mind about how much oak is too much oak. its so subjective. do a little detective work about a restaurant’s wine collection before going.
2. is it that much of a hassle to tell a server you would like to pour the wine yourself or that you dont want anymore poured? if you are sharing wine, discuss with your own party how much one might drink before hand to see if sharing is really the best idea.
3. from now on, i think you should bring your own wine to restaurants, pay the corkage fee, tell them you will open it and serve it yourself, get your food to go, and dine at home.
prick
Comment by sampson smartypants — April 10, 2007 @ 12:02 pm
Sampson-
Using an alias? What a surprise! Thanks so much for the constructive commentary…
TO ALL-
Sorry, but sometimes you’ve got to open the filter up a bit wider and let the rest of the world see how message boards/chat rooms/blogs can become the haven for bitter, cowardly troglodytes. Come on everyone, give Sampson a big, warm welcome!
TOM CIOCCO
Comment by Tom C — April 10, 2007 @ 4:59 pm
Tom:
This is my real name and I tend to agree with sampson.
Please do bring your own wine in and if possible get your food to go.
You seem to think that every staff in every restaurant should know in advance your petty little bitchiness and obvious self righteous bullshit.
Comment by Tim Chapman — June 8, 2007 @ 12:58 pm
Tim-
Who’s petty and bitchy? What exactly are you objecting to? Servers who don’t know shit about what’s on their own wine lists? Force-feeding patrons more wine to put them in an awkward position to order more wine or look cheap? The waiter as dancing monkey kissing ass tableside for a few extra bucks in tips? What?
Also, I cannot let this moment pass without commending you for presenting your well-reasoned retort with such class and eloquence, and I’m sure that the entire readership would love to hear you continue to entertain and edify us with all the skill and gentility you have exhibited in your first post. Thanks for contributing.
TOM CIOCCO
Comment by Tom C — June 8, 2007 @ 3:08 pm
quote…”For me (and I’m DEFINITELY not alone here)a waiter pouring me another glass of wine is tantamount to picking up my fork and trying to feed me another bite of mashed potatoes.”
Oh yeah, that’s not bitchy at all….
quote…”There is no excuse for the waitstaff not having solid knowlegde about every bottle on the list.”
Meanwhile, back on earth…
quote….”The waiter as dancing monkey kissing ass tableside for a few extra bucks in tips?”
Right you are! Most of the waiters I know don’t really do it for the money. They do it to spend more time around people like you.
As far as the pomp and cicumstance is concerned, all you have to say when the wine is presented is something along the lines of “We can do away with the formalities.”
That will usually cue the server as to what kind of experience you are looking for.
Quote…”Also, I cannot let this moment pass without commending you for presenting your well-reasoned retort with such class and eloquence, and I’m sure that the entire readership would love to hear you continue to entertain and edify us with all the skill and gentility you have exhibited in your first post. Thanks for contributing.
Anything I can do to help…Tom
Comment by Tim Chapman — June 9, 2007 @ 11:23 am
Wow. As the sole actor in Terroir, I am the de facto monitor/moderator. New commenters comments come to me as e-mails first. If I approve the comment, all subsequent posts from this individual are then allowed to pass directly to this forum. Thus far, I have only blocked “magicthumbweenietopless16ounceporterhousesteak”-type spam, and an occasional completely-off-the-topic message. I always assume that if someone takes the time to post something here, that his or her intentions are good, and good for the health of the open forum, even if the comments are a little uppity or rough around the edges. I could have deleted both of Tim’s posts, and probably should have to avoid all of this, but I chose to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Now I think it’s pretty clear that Tim’s commentary is just disingenuous baiting, or gratuitous, foul-temepered argumentativeness at the very least. Does anyone think that Tim calls his friends or his colleagues “petty and bitchy” to their faces? How about his boss - does he regularly call his boss out on his “self righteous bullshit”? I don’t think so. So why then does Tim think that he can get away with this sort of disrepect here, and further, why should I allow him to do so? The answers are that he can’t, and I won’t. Further, there is no way that anyone without some sort of personal agenda could have read what I wrote, and
produced those two comments - totally disproportional reaction…
Enough said. The Tims of this world and his ilk have no further space for their devisiveness here.
NOTE: Now that Tim has been OK’d by me as an approved poster, he may be able to sneak one more inappropriate message in before I can “unapprove” him when I get into the office tomorrow morning. If he does, my apologies in advance to all of the rest of you who know how to hold a civil conversation.
TOM CIOCCO
Comment by Tom Ciocco — June 10, 2007 @ 5:54 pm
Hello,
It was interesting reading your messages. I have a question for you. Should wine service be the same at a fine dining restaurant as at a casual restaurant? By casual I do not mean BYOB, but a relaxed, decent restaurant that does not focus on wine only. I hope my definition of casual was not confusing and that you understood what I meant. Thanks.
Diana Tugui
Comment by Diana Tugui — August 10, 2007 @ 1:59 am
Diana-
Thanks for the comment. In short, in my opinion, the answer to your question is yes. For me, the theatrics that some sommeliers espouse is just pure bombast. Some folks seem to like this sort of presentation, but for me it’s just trying to make what is essentially a perfunctory task into some actual “skill” in order to justify higher bottle prices. Now this is not to say that sommeliers are useless - selecting the “right” wines for this or that particular menu, and then providing good advice and information for your customers requires GREAT skill, but these are the “meat and potatoes” aspects of the job - the stuff that REALLY MATTERS.
On the other hand, “priming” (”washing” them with a bit of wine) glasses that are bigger than your head by a team of wine servers employing classic “military” service who then proceed to hover around the table pouring the glasses full even when they are only half empty is just plain pretentious and annoying.
For me, and I daresay most people, the best service is attentive but never disruptive, anticipatory, elegant, and unobtrusive. If I want to see people juggle bottles I’ll rent COCKTAIL.
TOM CIOCCO
Comment by Tom C — August 10, 2007 @ 9:51 am
As a long-time restaurant/lounge manager of upscale venues in Chicago, I regularly scour websites and blogs to discover the answer to the elusive “what do people want?” From tipping practices to clearing techniques to wine service, I use these blogs in my training sessions to highlight points I want to emphasize to my staff. However, the more I read, the more it is evident that your average uneducated guest(and here I use the word to mean someone who has never been in customer service or worked in “the industry”) requires something we will never be able to provide…psychic servers. For every guest that knows the plates should be cleared all at once, there is a guest that demands his plate be cleared as soon as he is finished. For every person that never wants to touch the bottle of wine, there is a guest who cries foul when a server approaches to oblige. For every arrogant sap who dismissively waves away their poor server, there is another who will not tip if their server does not entertain the table for the duration of the meal. In short, serving is one of the most humble, and humbling, occupations, and is made more so by the uniformed masses that demand that their minds be read at every meal. Tom, please do not come to my restaurant. You would be sorely disappointed, as my servers are taught that, as part of excellent service, they are to pour our guests’ wine. Tim, can I get your phone number?
Comment by Jill Loreta — August 23, 2007 @ 9:32 pm
Jill-
Thanks for commenting. Restaurant service is indeed quite particular to the patron, but over time, I’ve come to believe that the real problem is the way waiting is viewed in this country, as well as the average American’s overly demanding attitudes.
Other than just a case of obviously poor, slow service, I have rarely encountered any of these problems in Europe (the lack of knowledge of the wine list by the Spanish server in the piece above is another facet of service entirely - there is just no excuse for not “knowing your product” - this is universal), and I think that there are several reasons for this. First, waiters in Europe are paid living wages. This drastically reduces the need/desire to pander for tips. Waiters/waitresses are “professionals”, not would-be actors, dancers, students, etc. Let’s face it, for most waiters and waitresses, the day that they can get out of this job can’t come soon enough…So follow this through - if you get rotten service in Europe for example, the patron may not return, but the blow is felt more acutely by the whole restaurant. This encourages the formation of a real team, because as goes the patron/server interface, so goes the entire restaurant. Here in the US, there is always a perception of a rift between servers and ownership. Waiters can and will be changed like socks, so there is a much more mercenary view of servers from the view of management, and little to no loyalty to the restuarant from the wait staff, so the servers get beaten up by both sides. This is clearly a systemic problem. Further, waiting tables (and bartending) are the shortest routes to the most money for folks like these. The skills that many waiters have/develop are not highly valued by either the patron or the waiter him/herself, so “stiffing” a server for a gaffe(s), real or imagined, becomes just that much easier.
Second, some of the disparity derives from the size and diversity of the US. I’ll never forget the first time I ate out in California, and was presented with the name, general mood, and a short biography (a bit of hyperbole for sure) of the person taking my order. I don’t what it’s like in Chicago (not too different I’d imagine), but here in NJ/east coast, this is perceived by most to be overly familiar and unneccesary, if not just downright annoying. The restaurant culture in Europe is much older and more standardized, so expectations are also more uniform.
Third, I think that there is too great a desire in the US to be all things to all people (the “corporatization” of restaurants in the US only exacerbates this because these sorts of places are just that much more about the bottom line rather temples of passion and pride in great food and hospitality). I do not, and have never subscribed to the idea that “customer is always right”. I greatly admire those who just do what they do, and if you like it, you return, if you don’t, then you don’t. Just as a kitchen has a menu/style, and as dining room has a theme or certain decor, so should service have a certain character, a “hallmark” if you will… Certainly, there needs to be a certain degree of flexibility, but politely asking exceedingly difficult patrons to leave is not done often enough (read about how Charlie Trotter “fires” customers in one of his books). This not only reduces stress on the staff, and shows them that it’s not 100% about the customer, and 0% about them, it makes the patrons who ARE satisfied that much more loyal because they’ve been accepted into, (or are accepting of) an atmosphere that is more in tune with their needs and desires…There is even more to say here, but I think I’ve sufficiently overclarified my point.
So once again, thanks for posting, and if you reply, please be sure to post the name of your establishment so that I can delete it from the post, and tell all my friends to stay away as well
TOM CIOCCO
Comment by Tom C — August 24, 2007 @ 10:36 am
Tom, thank you for your insightful commnets, as well as a great laugh. I could not agree with you more. My wife and I dine out often though not necessarily at high-priced establishments. Of course, wine is a staple of the meal and if we are trying a new place we expect the server to know about the wine list, even if we know what we want-we may change our minds. And I wish I knew the person(s) responsible for making every server give their name.Pleeease stop! If you are good at what you do, I will inquire about your name as we will be back. We have also been known to send management a letter about our positive experience. And yes, servers need to understand eye/body lauguage. In my opinion, owners have the responsibility to teach this. It is not difficult. My wife and I are mental health professionals and it really is beyond us why this is not included in the person’s training. Anyway, thanks for your comments.
Robert H
Comment by robert hack — August 24, 2007 @ 11:39 am
Robert-
Thanks for reading and the support. Much of the tone in the initial piece was employed for effect, and I can easily see how those who are in the restaurant business might be a little sensitive about this topic, but both Jill and Tim seem to hint at the notion that there is little that they can do to to make anyone happy, ever - a sort of “damned if they do and damned if they don’t” sort of attitude. Sure, there are are people who seem to take some sort of perverse pleasure in making waiters jump though hoops, and then dressing them down or stiffing them for any little offence, but to me that’s where management gets involved, but if I’m the owner, and if it persists, out you go. Customers come and go anyway, and new ones are born every day. Customers are far from irreplaceable. To me, at least to some degree, you are in the owner’s “house”, and you are accepting his or her “hospitality”, so I think that the patron owes the host nearly as much cordiality and flexibility as the host owes the patron…
Dealing with the public is NEVER easy, and I can imagine the bitterness and burn-out that smiling through rudeness engenders week after week, but I agree completely with your thoughts. I don’t think that most restauranteurs or even the waiters themselves are correctly trained or even see the need for anything but a rudimentary outline of what to do and not to do, and how to do it…totally agree about the body language thing - if one is properly trained and stays alert during service, it’s pretty easy to “read” that someone is uncomfortable, needs something, is upset, etc. So keeping an eye on that, as well as what’s going on at the table (are glasses all empty, is everyone done with their appetizers, etc.) should tell most servers most of what they need to know…
And hey, how about just a few simple questions: “May I pour you another glass of wine”? “Would you like me to serve the two appetizers (assuming there are 4 diners) first, or all together with the main courses”? rather than hovering and then charging in and out from between guests to do this or that, or waiting until someone’s agitated enough to actually call you over because you haven’t been paying attention…
TOM CIOCCO
Comment by Tom C — August 24, 2007 @ 1:40 pm
What a great healthy debate!
It is wonderful to be able to discuss the finer points of what is obviously all of our passions.
Whether it’s a disgruntled server or a disgruntled patron, we all are seeking the sublime and subtle, we are all seeking for the avenues to better enjoy and understand the majesty and the mire of our collective existence.
I personally have been on both sides of the proverbial fence. I was a server for a number of years (over 10) and that is where wine became my passion. I then took my humility and desire and became a wine seller, and then finally I became a wine and wine service critic. Throughout it all mind you, I have also been a patron. In every type of establishment, through many a country, I have hemmed and hawed, I have demanded and decided, I have learned and loved…all the wines and servers and experiences…
And yet, I am reminded that this is a crucial and deliberate discussion not for the fact that we all want to be heard and understood (though we all do) but moreso that we all want to define the terms of our experience.
Wine. The serving, the ordering, the drinking of it becomes a metaphor for our passion, as well as our distaste. It becomes a vehicle for which to explore the finer and baser points of of our human expression. It is such a beautiful thing. All points are valid, all are rooted in the writers own personal experience, and yet all should take heed. Walk a mile on anothers shoes, and if not a mile then 5 steps, and if not 5 steps, then 2 sips. 2 sips of a wine that you dearly love, surrounded by friends who are all at ease, in a restaurant where you are truly welcomed and understood.
Disgruntled server and managers, put aside your ego and jealousy and create a new reality. I have been in your shoes and realized that I was headed for an early grave. Wealthy patrons and hardworking peoples everywhere who enjoy wine, continue to define your treasured moments. And yet also walk in the shoes of those who have yet to be in your position. If it’s wine or abortion, compassion and understanding will go miles further than judgment and scorn.
This is a life for all of us to enjoy and I am excited to read and partake all that any of you have to offer.
TOM- thanks for your words and your passions, and for creating the forum so that we all may speak
Val
Comment by Valkyrie Liles — September 4, 2007 @ 11:20 pm