It is wonderful to be able to discuss the finer points of what is obviously all of our passions.

Whether it’s a disgruntled server or a disgruntled patron, we all are seeking the sublime and subtle, we are all seeking for the avenues to better enjoy and understand the majesty and the mire of our collective existence.

I personally have been on both sides of the proverbial fence. I was a server for a number of years (over 10) and that is where wine became my passion. I then took my humility and desire and became a wine seller, and then finally I became a wine and wine service critic. Throughout it all mind you, I have also been a patron. In every type of establishment, through many a country, I have hemmed and hawed, I have demanded and decided, I have learned and loved…all the wines and servers and experiences…

And yet, I am reminded that this is a crucial and deliberate discussion not for the fact that we all want to be heard and understood (though we all do) but moreso that we all want to define the terms of our experience.

Wine. The serving, the ordering, the drinking of it becomes a metaphor for our passion, as well as our distaste. It becomes a vehicle for which to explore the finer and baser points of of our human expression. It is such a beautiful thing. All points are valid, all are rooted in the writers own personal experience, and yet all should take heed. Walk a mile on anothers shoes, and if not a mile then 5 steps, and if not 5 steps, then 2 sips. 2 sips of a wine that you dearly love, surrounded by friends who are all at ease, in a restaurant where you are truly welcomed and understood.

Disgruntled server and managers, put aside your ego and jealousy and create a new reality. I have been in your shoes and realized that I was headed for an early grave. Wealthy patrons and hardworking peoples everywhere who enjoy wine, continue to define your treasured moments. And yet also walk in the shoes of those who have yet to be in your position. If it’s wine or abortion, compassion and understanding will go miles further than judgment and scorn.

This is a life for all of us to enjoy and I am excited to read and partake all that any of you have to offer.

TOM- thanks for your words and your passions, and for creating the forum so that we all may speak

Val

Thanks for reading and the support. Much of the tone in the initial piece was employed for effect, and I can easily see how those who are in the restaurant business might be a little sensitive about this topic, but both Jill and Tim seem to hint at the notion that there is little that they can do to to make anyone happy, ever - a sort of “damned if they do and damned if they don’t” sort of attitude. Sure, there are are people who seem to take some sort of perverse pleasure in making waiters jump though hoops, and then dressing them down or stiffing them for any little offence, but to me that’s where management gets involved, but if I’m the owner, and if it persists, out you go. Customers come and go anyway, and new ones are born every day. Customers are far from irreplaceable. To me, at least to some degree, you are in the owner’s “house”, and you are accepting his or her “hospitality”, so I think that the patron owes the host nearly as much cordiality and flexibility as the host owes the patron…

Dealing with the public is NEVER easy, and I can imagine the bitterness and burn-out that smiling through rudeness engenders week after week, but I agree completely with your thoughts. I don’t think that most restauranteurs or even the waiters themselves are correctly trained or even see the need for anything but a rudimentary outline of what to do and not to do, and how to do it…totally agree about the body language thing - if one is properly trained and stays alert during service, it’s pretty easy to “read” that someone is uncomfortable, needs something, is upset, etc. So keeping an eye on that, as well as what’s going on at the table (are glasses all empty, is everyone done with their appetizers, etc.) should tell most servers most of what they need to know…

And hey, how about just a few simple questions: “May I pour you another glass of wine”? “Would you like me to serve the two appetizers (assuming there are 4 diners) first, or all together with the main courses”? rather than hovering and then charging in and out from between guests to do this or that, or waiting until someone’s agitated enough to actually call you over because you haven’t been paying attention…

TOM CIOCCO

Thanks for commenting. Restaurant service is indeed quite particular to the patron, but over time, I’ve come to believe that the real problem is the way waiting is viewed in this country, as well as the average American’s overly demanding attitudes.

Other than just a case of obviously poor, slow service, I have rarely encountered any of these problems in Europe (the lack of knowledge of the wine list by the Spanish server in the piece above is another facet of service entirely - there is just no excuse for not “knowing your product” - this is universal), and I think that there are several reasons for this. First, waiters in Europe are paid living wages. This drastically reduces the need/desire to pander for tips. Waiters/waitresses are “professionals”, not would-be actors, dancers, students, etc. Let’s face it, for most waiters and waitresses, the day that they can get out of this job can’t come soon enough…So follow this through - if you get rotten service in Europe for example, the patron may not return, but the blow is felt more acutely by the whole restaurant. This encourages the formation of a real team, because as goes the patron/server interface, so goes the entire restaurant. Here in the US, there is always a perception of a rift between servers and ownership. Waiters can and will be changed like socks, so there is a much more mercenary view of servers from the view of management, and little to no loyalty to the restuarant from the wait staff, so the servers get beaten up by both sides. This is clearly a systemic problem. Further, waiting tables (and bartending) are the shortest routes to the most money for folks like these. The skills that many waiters have/develop are not highly valued by either the patron or the waiter him/herself, so “stiffing” a server for a gaffe(s), real or imagined, becomes just that much easier.

Second, some of the disparity derives from the size and diversity of the US. I’ll never forget the first time I ate out in California, and was presented with the name, general mood, and a short biography (a bit of hyperbole for sure) of the person taking my order. I don’t what it’s like in Chicago (not too different I’d imagine), but here in NJ/east coast, this is perceived by most to be overly familiar and unneccesary, if not just downright annoying. The restaurant culture in Europe is much older and more standardized, so expectations are also more uniform.

Third, I think that there is too great a desire in the US to be all things to all people (the “corporatization” of restaurants in the US only exacerbates this because these sorts of places are just that much more about the bottom line rather temples of passion and pride in great food and hospitality). I do not, and have never subscribed to the idea that “customer is always right”. I greatly admire those who just do what they do, and if you like it, you return, if you don’t, then you don’t. Just as a kitchen has a menu/style, and as dining room has a theme or certain decor, so should service have a certain character, a “hallmark” if you will… Certainly, there needs to be a certain degree of flexibility, but politely asking exceedingly difficult patrons to leave is not done often enough (read about how Charlie Trotter “fires” customers in one of his books). This not only reduces stress on the staff, and shows them that it’s not 100% about the customer, and 0% about them, it makes the patrons who ARE satisfied that much more loyal because they’ve been accepted into, (or are accepting of) an atmosphere that is more in tune with their needs and desires…There is even more to say here, but I think I’ve sufficiently overclarified my point.

So once again, thanks for posting, and if you reply, please be sure to post the name of your establishment so that I can delete it from the post, and tell all my friends to stay away as well

TOM CIOCCO

Thanks for the comment. In short, in my opinion, the answer to your question is yes. For me, the theatrics that some sommeliers espouse is just pure bombast. Some folks seem to like this sort of presentation, but for me it’s just trying to make what is essentially a perfunctory task into some actual “skill” in order to justify higher bottle prices. Now this is not to say that sommeliers are useless - selecting the “right” wines for this or that particular menu, and then providing good advice and information for your customers requires GREAT skill, but these are the “meat and potatoes” aspects of the job - the stuff that REALLY MATTERS.

On the other hand, “priming” (”washing” them with a bit of wine) glasses that are bigger than your head by a team of wine servers employing classic “military” service who then proceed to hover around the table pouring the glasses full even when they are only half empty is just plain pretentious and annoying.

For me, and I daresay most people, the best service is attentive but never disruptive, anticipatory, elegant, and unobtrusive. If I want to see people juggle bottles I’ll rent COCKTAIL.

TOM CIOCCO

It was interesting reading your messages. I have a question for you. Should wine service be the same at a fine dining restaurant as at a casual restaurant? By casual I do not mean BYOB, but a relaxed, decent restaurant that does not focus on wine only. I hope my definition of casual was not confusing and that you understood what I meant. Thanks.

Diana Tugui

Now I think it’s pretty clear that Tim’s commentary is just disingenuous baiting, or gratuitous, foul-temepered argumentativeness at the very least. Does anyone think that Tim calls his friends or his colleagues “petty and bitchy” to their faces? How about his boss - does he regularly call his boss out on his “self righteous bullshit”? I don’t think so. So why then does Tim think that he can get away with this sort of disrepect here, and further, why should I allow him to do so? The answers are that he can’t, and I won’t. Further, there is no way that anyone without some sort of personal agenda could have read what I wrote, and
produced those two comments - totally disproportional reaction…

Enough said. The Tims of this world and his ilk have no further space for their devisiveness here.

NOTE: Now that Tim has been OK’d by me as an approved poster, he may be able to sneak one more inappropriate message in before I can “unapprove” him when I get into the office tomorrow morning. If he does, my apologies in advance to all of the rest of you who know how to hold a civil conversation.

TOM CIOCCO

Oh yeah, that’s not bitchy at all….

quote…”There is no excuse for the waitstaff not having solid knowlegde about every bottle on the list.”

Meanwhile, back on earth…

quote….”The waiter as dancing monkey kissing ass tableside for a few extra bucks in tips?”

Right you are! Most of the waiters I know don’t really do it for the money. They do it to spend more time around people like you.

As far as the pomp and cicumstance is concerned, all you have to say when the wine is presented is something along the lines of “We can do away with the formalities.”
That will usually cue the server as to what kind of experience you are looking for.

Quote…”Also, I cannot let this moment pass without commending you for presenting your well-reasoned retort with such class and eloquence, and I’m sure that the entire readership would love to hear you continue to entertain and edify us with all the skill and gentility you have exhibited in your first post. Thanks for contributing.

Anything I can do to help…Tom

Who’s petty and bitchy? What exactly are you objecting to? Servers who don’t know shit about what’s on their own wine lists? Force-feeding patrons more wine to put them in an awkward position to order more wine or look cheap? The waiter as dancing monkey kissing ass tableside for a few extra bucks in tips? What?

Also, I cannot let this moment pass without commending you for presenting your well-reasoned retort with such class and eloquence, and I’m sure that the entire readership would love to hear you continue to entertain and edify us with all the skill and gentility you have exhibited in your first post. Thanks for contributing.

TOM CIOCCO