Pseudobacchus Difficilis
100% of the customers that pass over our threshold come in “thirsty” - that one’s a gimme. And roughly 90% of that 100 come in with an open mind, and are willing to take many of our staff’s recommendations, or at very least politely hear us out. Then there are the folks who, after some familiarity with their patterns, one realizes that they pride themselves on their self sufficiency. They are quite comfortable in this habitat, and are essentially solitary creatures that hunt and harvest without assistence. And of course, though we are always ready to engage, this species gets the space it likes and needs to thrive.
But there is a third rare species that moves in and out of this ecosystem, and contrary to what one might think, this species is not nocturnal or particularly reclusive. And while this type has been well-observed in the wild, a precise understanding of its behavior, as well as its taxonomy is still subject to much debate…perhaps some of you who also deal with the public can aid us in fully understanding this creature…
Though both sexes of this species exist, females seem to outnumber males by a factor of about two to one. The species is fairly aggressive, and regularly advances on floor staff, though whether they view salespeople as prey or threats to their ebbing and flowing territories is still not fully understood. The species is fairly vocal, and can heard to say lots of perplexing things, but the one that most often identifies the species is the cry “I don’t know that much about wine, but…” This should be a clear sign to the observer that he or she is about to witness first-hand the bizarre behavior of a most peculiar bird.
After their initial cry, they most often begin to mimic the behavior of the garden variety customer (the current scholarship suggests that this is done as a sort of camoflage) - they plainly ask for some recommendations. The salesman, using his extensive training with such beasts, tries to draw a bead on what the creature is hunting more specifically - price, varietal, place of origin, style, etc. This attempt at refinement usually sends the species into an evasive mode, much the way that rabbits, when persued by predators, run in ever-widening circles…The actual behavior to note usually sounds something like: “Well, show me what you’ve got.” This maneuver usually produces the desired effect of puzzlement in the salesperson, but he or she continues his or her observations, and begins “at the beginning” so to speak. The salesman recommends a $10 Cotes du Rhone. The creature says “No.” Nothing more. The saleman, in trying to ascertain why the wine was rejected straight away, asks the appropriate question, and receives the reply “What else you got?” The salesperson, in an attempt to appeal to the creature’s practical side then moves further mainstream - a $20 California Cabernet. “That’s too expensive” is sqwaked back. The salesperson then tries one at $10, and the creature replies “I don’t think that I like Cabernet”. Undaunted, the salesperson thinks the creature might be playing possum, and decides to try to wow her with some esoterica. He leads her to the the shelf of Portuguese wine, puts a bottle of well-aged Bairrada Baga in her hands, and begins to extoll its virtues. Halfway though the description, the creature puts the bottle back in its place, and clearly stops listening…
By now the salesperson has passed confused, is driving through frustrated, and is about to cross the border of exasperated…The salesperson might then try to appeal to the creature’s trendier side, and lead the bird to drink some Oregon Pinot Noir. There is a spark of recognition, and the creature says: “This stuff was nothing until that stupid movie, and now it’s the best thing since sliced bread. I think it’s all a lot of bunk…” This last exchange finally dashes any theories or hypotheses of understanding this frustrating species that the salesperson might have begun to formulate, and he ends the observation by saying “I’m going to give you some time to think about the suggestions. If you have any questions, just shriek.” and then quickly trots off to his desk to sob while he shreds his wine school diploma, but not before the salesperson overhears the creature saying to another unsuspecting colleague “I don’t much about wine, and I need a little help…” The first salesperson now needs a drink himself…
If any of my fellow “scientists” have any insight into the motivations of this wine drinking(?) oddity, please post YOUR articles here for a full peer review…
TOM CIOCCO
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When I was in college, I heard that salesmen in the women’s shoe dept. at a certain department store near my house (which I won’t name, but which rhymes with Nordstrom) made a KILLING during the holiday sale season. But I resisted the temptation for some quick cash and instead picked up spending money as a waiter. Why? Because of exactly … this … phenomenon.
Comment by TagWorld Brian — March 22, 2007 @ 2:49 pm
Last Christmas, there was a woman that walked into my little ‘Mom & Pop’/'neighborhood’ wine shop asking for help picking out a wine because she ‘didn’t know anything about wine.’ Understanding my area’s taste (CA Cabs., Buttery Chard./Willamette Pinot Noir) I started with these, describing each and which food it would go best with. After starting off with the Chard., moving through the Cabs., and failing with the Pinots, the woman started to get upset that I couldn’t help her the way she wanted. Being the only person in the store at the time and having a packed house, I asked her to look around a bit and see if she recognized anything she had liked before. It was at this point that I said ‘hi’ to a few customers, whom luckily didn’t need any assistance, and sat at my desk. As I noticed the woman start walking towards the door, instead of saying “thanks for coming in” or “have a great day” I thought ‘this is christmas, she just trying to buy a gift and won’t be back for another year.’ So I shot out of my seat and caught her at the door. I said “ya know, I just thought of the perfect wine for you.” Fortunately, she listened to me and we walked back over to the Cabs. It was at this point that I told her ” ya know what, you’re going to like this. This is an excellent wine and you will enjoy this with or without food.” I know what you’re thinking…for a retailer, this is boardering on Rudeness, but it worked. She bought the bottle and came back a week later to buy a case of it. More importantly, she was happy with the choice, with the shop, with me, and has been a regular ever since. What I learned from this to not be afraid to tell people that good wine is good.
Comment by Fiorentina! — March 22, 2007 @ 11:50 pm
Sr.Campo di Marte (Fiorentina)
I also have been in the exact same situation, and have employed the very same technique, with an equal amount of success, but the difference here in my opinion is that your customer was just overwhelmed, and needed to hear “buy this one”, and you were able to convey that with a level of authority that made the sale.
The “Pseudobacchus Difficilis” I think is a different animal…my read is that this person is a sort of “Consumer Reports” skeptic - the kind of person that is highly doubtful about unquantifiable subtleties, as well as wines that cost more than “X” number of dollars. These are folks that have little faith in the opinions of “experts” and take a certain level of pleasure in poking holes (or at least trying) in their opinions. They also seem to be very sensitive about being embarassed, wrong, or made a fool of.
They seem to WANT to learn, but can’t let go of their egos and/or their lack of faith in their own judgements…another small point, I mention that the “Pseudobacchus Difficilis” tends to skew more female than male…the reason for this is the “I’ll never in a million years ask for directions”
phenomenon present in so many men. The same thoughts and insecurities may exist in many “Pseudobacchus Difficilis” males, but they’ll never reveal themselves as one. They’re content to curtly fend off assistence, and eventually make a decision based on either price point or name recogniton.
In the end, this unfortunate type has to “want the cure” to ever emerge from the hole he/she has put himself into. It requires a certain level of trust, and a willingness to make a “mistake” or take a chance, and the real hardcore “Pseudobacchus Difficilis” is beyond any real help until he is willing to “let go” a bit. The sad thing is is that their behaviors tend to repel those that can help, which just perpetuates the problem.
TOM CIOCCO
Comment by Tom C — March 23, 2007 @ 10:08 am
How many Pseudobacchus Difficilis does it take to change a light bulb?
Comment by TagWorld Brian — March 23, 2007 @ 10:34 am
TWB-
OK, I’ll bite…
TC
Comment by Tom C — March 23, 2007 @ 10:50 am
I don’t know…
I was asking you. Haha.
Maybe the answer is: One, but she really has to want to change.
Comment by TagWorld Brian — March 23, 2007 @ 1:42 pm
Hey Tom,
I think I’m guilty of similar behavior. I go into a shop and look around for about 15 minutes, then ask for recommendations. I hardly ever take what’s recommended to me, except when you helped me at WL. The difference there was the service though. I expect that a salesperson be knowledgeable and able to describe the wine in wine-speak. I hate when someone just says, “Get this one; its good.” They make one or two recommendations saying the same thing: they’re good. I am always thinking…WTF. Despite describing what I’m looking for with regard to body, flavor profile, etc. I still get the same “here, this is good.”
Also, on most occaisions recommended wines are not good, but bad. Perhaps I’ve been talking to the wrong salespeople, ones without desks
.
Comment by Andre — March 27, 2007 @ 11:26 am
Maybe the difficilis has been privy to one too many “good” bottles to know when the salesman is knowledgeable.
Comment by Andre — March 27, 2007 @ 11:28 am
Tom,
I came late to the party so I’m still reading past blogs. I just read your entry for March 22, 2007, Pseudobacchus Difficilis. It brought back painful memories. I’m a banker by day, but I work part-time in a wine shop. I’ve been in customer contact roles in the financial industry for many years, but none of that experience prepared me for these odd wine shoppers.
A man once asked me if we had any wines that, “have a lot of plums”. I immediately took him to the Merlot isle and suggested two or three of my favorites and described some of their other characteristics. Without any reaction to my suggestion he asked if we had any red wines with a little sweetness. I showed him what we had and described them further. This cycle repeated itself through about three or four more wildly disparate characteristics. Becoming weary of this dance, I politely told him I would let him browse and I would remain handy if he had any more questions. A few minutes later I noticed him walking to the check-out line with two or three wines in his arms, none of which were any of my recommendations, nor did they have any of the characteristics he said he liked. This same person came in a month or two later and repeated the process almost verbatim.
I also find it interesting how many customers seem to pass judgment on each salesperson with just a brief glance. One of us will ask a customer if they need help selecting a wine, only to be told that they are just browsing. One minute later another salesperson will approach the same person (not knowing that they have already been asked) and ask the same question, to which they sometimes reply, “Oh, yes, I’m looking for…blah, blah, blah” Baffling.
You have my sympathies.
Comment by Kent Benson — July 12, 2007 @ 11:35 am
Kent-
It’s good to know that we’re not alone, isn’t it? I’ve come across nearly IDENTICAL customers. I’ve proffered some theories, but I’m honestly still a bit baffled myself. This phenomenon often reminds me of the “Norquists” to which a reference is made in Glengarry Glenross: “They just like to talk to salesmen” Maybe it’s just as simple as that…
TOM CIOCCO
Comment by Tom C — July 12, 2007 @ 11:51 am